Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
