call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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