literally had 100 drinks last night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Randomize