people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
