maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
