He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize