Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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