I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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