All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
