Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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