angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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