Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize