I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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