I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
