the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
