whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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