Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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