Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
