So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
