im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize