the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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