i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
