I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
