Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
