what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
