I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
