Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
