Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
