I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
