before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
