no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
