Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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