break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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