i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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