Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
