went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
