I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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