I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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