omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Its about making memories worth repressing
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize