Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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