PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
