your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
