I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
