when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
