i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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