I must be too annoying 4 u.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
