i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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