on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
stop calling my apartment porn island.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
