i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
