Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
