guys are not supposed to queef...right?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This is classic penis vs brain.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
