Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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