I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
