): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
