It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
