I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
