So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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