I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
