It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
