Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
