NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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