the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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