i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
