I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize