I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
