I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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