Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
