an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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