i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
