I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
