he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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