FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
