i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
