i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
