No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
