Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
