how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
