is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
