some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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