I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
