I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
