Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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