If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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