Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
