I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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