i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
and you fell through a lawn chair
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