For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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