Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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