Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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