Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize