So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
