you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
