is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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