She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
