Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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