I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
