It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I supernannyed him into submission
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
