yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
