So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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