Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
