I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
