im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
