I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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